Comedy

🌀Leave applications.🌀Must read

(murdering english language)

🌀Infosys, Bangalore:🌀
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave."
________________________________
🌀Oracle, Bangalore:🌀
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"As I want to shave my son';s head , please leave me for two days.."
________________________________
🌀Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was
performing his daughter';s wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week';s leave.."
________________________________
🌀From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please    me 10 days leave."
________________________________
🌀Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
"Since I';ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o';clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
________________________________
🌀A leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
________________________________
🌀A leave letter to a headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
________________________________
🌀Another letter written to a headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
________________________________
🌀Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
________________________________
🌀Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom..."
________________________________
🌀Actual application for leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
________________________________
🌀Letter writing:
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

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Comedy

A man was watching a DVD at home.. and jor jor se cheekhne laga .....😧😯

Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Ghode par se mat utar.. Pagal mat utar..

Its a trap!!  Its a trap!!

Marega  saale..

Wife: Kya dekh rahe ho?

Man: Our wedding DVD!!

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Comedy

1) Na jaan Na pehchaan,
Tu mera mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman
🎼..

2) Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi mere pyar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, Rubber de Rubber
📊..

3) Teri adao pe mein waari waari,
Dial 139 for railway enquiry...

🚋🚋

4) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf,
The number you are trying is currently switched off
..

5) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo,
Naya godrej powder hair dye,
Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo..

6) Yuh khamosh reh kar tadpogi kabtak,
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK
..

7) Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Mehngai ke is daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo,
Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh Babu...


8) Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
Mein hoon yahan Tu hai wahan,
LIFEBUOY hai jahan Tandurusti hai wahan...
⛔

9) Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna,
BASANTI in kutton ke samne mat nachna
....

10) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala,
Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala
..!!

11) Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Romeo ne Juliet se kaha ek sach,
Asali Masale Sach Sach
MDH.....MDH ...!!


12) Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Puraana,
Didi Tera Devar Deewana..
🏂

13) Naach Bulbul Naach, tujhe paisa milega
Hum CID se hai, Koi apne jagah se nahi hilega...!!
🚷
😛

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Comedy

👥Fake Friends - Never ask for food..🍩
👭Real Friends - Are the reason you have NO food!
👥Fake Friends - Call your parents Mr. / Mrs.
👭Real Friends - Call your parents Dad / Mom
👥Fake Friends - Never have seen you cry..
👭Real Friends - Cry with you
👥Fake Friends - Borrow your stuff for a few days, then give it back
👭Real Friends - Keep your stuff so long, they forget it';s yours!
👥Fake Friends - Know a few things about you..💭
👭Real Friends - Could write a book about you📚
👥Fake Friends - Would knock on your front door..🏡
👭Real Friends - Walk right in and say
"I';m home!"🙋
👥Fake Friends - Will help you up when you fall over🎭
👭Real Friends - Will jump on top of you and shout "dog pile!"
👥Fake Friends - Are around for a while..
👭Real Friends - Are for life
👥Fake Friends - Say "like you" in a joking manner
👭Real Friends - say "I like you" and they mean it
👥Fake Friends - will read this.📃
👭Real Friends - will share this📑                      Send itto 6 real friends..send  it to me if I am one!!!
?Who are the 18 Friends u cant forget
in ur life ever?
Msg only to those 18 just like i did.
Lets see how many msgs u get back!
Start sending,
Be honest!
Only 18
I value u.
A tight hug 4u in advance...2mrw is world Frndz hug Day👬.4wrd dis msg 2 special frndz.(even me if u think i m 1)....U R seriously luved by sum1 if u get back 5....🙈

Killer shayaris.......
Using ur brain is strictly & very strictly prohibited..

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Comedy

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China. 

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ';$10,000 per call';.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and
He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. 

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He Could talk to God.

'; O.K., thank you,'; said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France ...

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ';$10,000 Per call'; sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

';One
Rupee per call.';

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
';Father, I';ve traveled all over World and I';ve seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I';m told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?';

Readers, it is your turn........ Think .....before you scroll down...

.............. ......... ......... .......... ............ ......

.............. .......... ......... ......... ........... ......

The priest smiled and answered, ';You';re in India now, Son - it';s a Local Call';.
This is the only heaven on the Earth.

KEEP SMILING

If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!

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Comedy

Fresh stocks of Rajni jokes are here..
-----------------------------
Why does the needle of a Magnetic
compass always point North?
Because Rajnikant lives in south &
nobody dares to point at him...!
-------------------------------------
People Update Status Via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, Etc.. Rajnikant Updates
Status Via .......Calculator...
------------------------------------
Reporter to Rajnikant: how many
jokes have been made on you till
now?
Rajni: only 1 or 2.
Reporter: only 1 or 2?
Rajni: enna RASCALA! Rest all are
facts!
-------------------------------------
Rajnikanth';s dog';s house has a
signboard on it, saying..
Maalik Se Sawdhan!
----------------------------------
Once Rajnikant Decided To Race
With Time.. & The Result Is Time Is
Still Running
----------------------------------                                                Rajnikant participated in 1000 KM
race and obviously he came first But
EINSTEIN died after watching that
Coz ... LIGHT came second...
-------------------------------------
Galileo used ';Lamp'; to Study,
Graham bell used ';Candle'; to study,
Shakshpeare studied in ';Street
lights'; But .....
Do u know about Rajnikant......????
Only Agarbatti
--------------------------------
When Rajnikant was a student! You
can';t guess this one...
Teachers used to bunk!
----------------------------------------
While playing once Rajnikant said
"statue" to a girl... Now that Statue
is know as
"Statue of Liberty"
-------------------------------------------
Rajinikanth';s calendar goes straight
from March 31st to April 2nd, no one
fools Rajnikant.
--------------------------------------
Once Rajnikant was playing cricket in
the monsoons.... and .... The rain
was cancelled due to the match.
-----------------------------------
Why did British leave India in 1947?
Bcoz. they came to know Rajnikant
was going to be born in 1948...
-------------------------------
This Msg. is Sent in the Interest of
Humanity- Guys Stop making Jokes
on
Rajnikant or else he will Delete
INTERNET.😄

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Comedy

DUKHI GHAZAL :

Ek Ajeeb Si Halat Hai Tere Jane Ke Baad ,
Bhuk Hi Nahi Lagti Khana Khane Ke Baad

Mere Paas 8 Samose The, Jo Mene Kha Liye
1 Tere Aane Se Pehle 7 Tere Jane Ke Baad

Neend Hi Nahi Aati Mujhe Sone Ke Baad
Nazar Kuch Nahi Aata Aankhen Band hone Ke Baad

Doctor Se Jo Pucha Iska Elaaj, Dekar 4 Tablets, Bola.
Kha Lena 2 Jagne Se Pehle, 2 sone ke baad...
Gaur farmaaiye 

Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?

Kisi ne  kaha-"Aap shayari to shuru kijiye
itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge". 😋
✔
For the very first time . . English Shaayari
Purely Scientific......

When U Breathe, U Respire.
Wah wah
When U Breathe, U Respire !
Wah wah kya baat hai
When u Don';t Breathe,
U Expire.
Subhanallah 😅
😇Maar hi daala...😴

Arz hai-
roz roz weight napkar kya karna hai,
ek din to sabne marna hai
char din ki h zindagi,
kha lo jee bhar ke,
agle janam to phir 3 kilo se hi start karna hai.

Killer shayari :
1. Arz kiya hai..
LIC wale bhi ghazab dhate hai
Wah wah
LIC wale bhi  ghazab dhate hai
Logon ki biwiyon ke paas ghanton baithke
Unke husband ke Marne ke fayde batate hai

Kavi ka beta school mein.
Teacher: what is a noun?
Student: Arz kiya hai..
Kutta bhi Hota hai  apni gali mein king
Wah wah
Noun is the name of any Person, Place or Thing

Deadly sher on Superman:
Arz kiya hai...
Ye man bahut hi Super hai
Wah wah..
Ye man bahut hi super hai
Is liye to iski chaddi pant ke upar hai  

Kabhi tum gor se dekho aaina
Wah wah
Kabhi tum gor se dekho aaina
Khud hi hanskar kahoge
Made in China
Made in China

Arz kiya hai
ACP ne laash se poocha ';khoon kisne kiya batao';
Wah wah..
ACP ne laash se poocha'; khoon kisne kiya batao';
Laash ne hanskar kaha '; Melody khao khud jaan jao';

Basaaj ke liye itna hi..

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Jokes

Zindagi matlab kya.. ?

"Ek dhundli si shaam, 4 dost. 4 Cup chai, 1 Table..":)
.

.
Zindagi...mtlb kya..?
"1 innova car, 7 dost, aur 1 khula lamba pahadi Raasta"

.
Zindagi...mtlb kya.?
"1 dost ka ghar, Halki si Baarish, aur dher saari baatein..:)

.
Zindagi...mtlb kya..?
"school ke dost, Bunk Kiya hua
Lecture, 1 kachori, 2 samose aur bill par hone wala jhagda... :p

.
Zindagi...mtlb kya...?
"Phone uthate hi pdhne wali dost ki mithi se gaali, aur Sorry kehne par 1 aur gaali" :p

.
Zindagi...mtlb kya..?
"Kuch saalon baad, Aachanak purane dost ka 1 sms, Dhundli padi kuch bhigi yadein aur Ankho me aaye aansu. :';(
We make many friends,

Some become Dearest,

Some become Special,

Some We Fall in Love with,

Some go Abroad,

Some change their cities,

Some Leave us 

We Leave some,

Some are in contact,

Some are not in contact

N Some don';t contact

because of their ego,

We don';t contact some 

because of our ego, 

Wherever they are,

However they are,

We still remember,
Love,
Miss, 
N Care 

about them because of the part they played,  in our life.

Send this to all ur friends..

no matter how often you talk or how close you are

Let old friends know you haven';t forgotten them 

& tell new friends you will never forget them

Cheers To friendship
             👭💞👬

          💖


Friendship is really awesome guyzz ..

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Jokes

ये चुटकुला बनाने वाले को 21 तोपो की सलामी

संता- डाक्टर साहब दस्त ने बेहाल कर रखा है

डाक्टर-कितना पतला आता है?

संतंा- समझ लो कि आप उस से कुल्ला कर सकते हो । 🙈🙉🙊

दहशतगर्दी इस से ज़्यादा अब और क्या होगी ग़ालिब
..
.
.
.
संडास के लोटे में कोई दरिंदा लाल मिर्च डाल गया!! 

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Jokes

Bilkul Latest sidha Hospital se  ...........

1 aadmi boat 🚣se kahi ja raha tha.

Achanak se zor se hawa chali aur uski boat palat gayi.

Usey swimming nahi
aati thi.

Woh prarthana karne laga
"Bhagwan, agar mujhe bacha liya toh me garibo me 21 kilo laddu batunga.!"

Fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi si leher usey zamin pe le gayi.

Woh khada hua, aur haste hue upar dekh ke bola, "Haha, kaise laddu, kaunse laddu..?"

Fir zor se hawa chali aur ek badi leher ne usey wapis pani me kheech liya.

Vo banda fir chilla ke bola, "Matlab main puch raha tha besan k
ya boondi ke..?

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Comedy Posts

A Lawyer was not getting any cases even after two years of his practice so he decided to opened a clinic & wrote
outside the clinic:
Any treatment in Rs.300/- & if we cant treat, we will pay you back Rs.1000/-.

A CLEVER Doctor thought he will make the Lawyer fool and comes to do fraud & thinking to get Rs.1000.

He says to the Lawyer :
I cant feel any taste on my tongue...

Lawyer asks the Nurse to put few
drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: "What d _____ ...its URINE!!
The Lawyer says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.

The CLEVER Doctor was angry as he lost Rs.300.

After 2 weeks the same doctor comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his previous 300 too.
CLEVER Doctor :  I';ve lost my memory.
Lawyer : Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his tongue.
C. DOCTOR : Wait but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Lawyer : Congratulations your memory is back.

Moral: Don';t try to be over-smart with Lawyers... 

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Jokes

A girl got sms from bank : "Your credit card bill payment is outstanding"

She replied: "Thanks for the compliment!"

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Jokes

Co-pilot was welcoming
the passengers on a plane
shortly after take off :

Thank u for flying with us
this morning. The weather is..
Then suddenly he
starts screaming while he is
still on the loud speakers ..
Oh my God. OMG! OMG !
This is going to hurt
.. Its burning !

A ghostly Silence reigned
He gets back on the mike
talking to the passengers :
I sincerely apologise
for the incident but the
air hostess just dropped
a very hot cup of coffee
on my lap...u should see
my pants from the front !

One passenger replies :
Y don't you come here & C
Our PANTS FROM BEHIND !

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Jokes

Girlfriend:Janu kya kar rahe ho?
Boyfriend:Kuch nahi bus shaving kar raha hu.
After 1 hour 
Girlfriend:Janu kya kar rahe ho?
Boyfriend:Kuch nahi bus shaving kar raha hu.
After 3 hour
Girlfriend:Janu kya kar rahe ho?
Boyfriend:Kuch nahi bus shaving kar raha hu.
Girlfriend(gusse me): Janu tum din me kitni bar shave karte ho?
Boyfriend: mai to din me 20-30 bar shave karta hu.
Girlfriend: Pagal ho kya?
Boyfriend: mai to barber(nai) hu.

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Jokes

Naukrani chillate hue malkin ke pas ayi aur usne malkin se kaha

memsahab - memsahab gajab ho gaya,

pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai.

Malkin naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chupchap tamasha dekhne lagi.

Naukarani ne poocha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi?

Malkin: Nahi uske liye teen hi kaafi hai.

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Comedy Posts

*****
A guy calls an unknown number..
Guy: Fridge hai?
Reply: Haan hai.
Guy: Chalta hai?
Reply: Haan chalta hai..
Guy: Toh pakad ke rakhna, warna bhaag jaayega..
And he hangs up.. After a while, he calls up again..
Guy: Fridge hai?
This time the person’s really angry.
Reply: Nahi hai.
Guy: Kahaan se hoga.. Bola tha na pakad ke rakhna varna bhaag jaayega..

*****
 Pehle wo meri GF thi
Me bolta tha wo suni thi
phir wo meri mangetar bani,
Wo bolti thi main sunta tha
jab wo meri BIWI bani
Hum dono bolte he Mohalla sunta hai.

 *****
 Ek baar ek ladka rastey mein chalte chalte ek gadhe ke samne gir gaya.
Tabhi ek ladki ne use chhedte hue kaha, “Apne bade bhai ka aashirwaad le rahe ho kya?”
 Ladke ne palat kar jawab diya, “Sahi farmaya bhabhi ji.”

 *****
A Husband makes a call 2 his wife from his idea phone.
 He dials wrong number.
 Another woman picks it.
Both talked for long time and fell in love.
Moral of the story: An idea can change your wife.  

*****
Girlfriend: Janu tum din me kitni bar shave karte ho?
Boyfriend: mai to din me 20-30 bar shave karta hu.
Girlfriend: Pagal ho kya?
 Boyfriend: mai to barber(nai) hu.

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Comedy Quotes

In this post i will post some of best quotes.


1)With Great Power Comes Great
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
Electricity Bill.

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################

2)In all my life i thought that air was free................
until i bought a bag of chips.

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################


3)Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################

4)Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is complete idiot.

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################


5)Mai un 4 logo ko badi muddat se search kar raha hu.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Jinke bare me hamesha ghar wale bolte hai ki 4 log dekhenge to kya kahenge


###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################

6)Hey i'll be back in 5 minutes.But if i am not
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then just read this message again.

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################


7)Avoid Popularity If You Want Peace

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################

8)If you fall in river,there is a boat....
If you fall in well, there is a rope....
But if you fall in love,there is no hope

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################


9)Boy:I want to share everything with you
Girl:Let's start from your bank account.

###########################*************************#############################
###########################*************************#############################

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Comedy Posts

Hi in this post i will share some good jokes and comedy images.

*****
Art ka period start hua.
Teacher:Ek painting banao jisme Ek bus ho aur passengers ho jo usme chad rahe ho
Sabhi students ki copy teacher dekh rahi thi.
Tabhi teacher ek student ke pas pahuchi usne kuch bhi nahi banaya tha.
Teacher:Iske sare passenger kaha gaye
Student:Sare bus me chad gaye
Teacher:To bus kaha gayi
Student:Bus chali gayi.

*****
Pappu: Mujhe apki beti se shadi karni hai
Father:Tumhari salary meri beti ke liye toilet paper bhi afford nahi kar sakti
Pappu:Agar itni potty karti hai to rahne do

This joke has two actors: Son And Dad

Beta: Papa main itna bada kab honga ki mom se bina poochey ghar ke bahar ja sakoo

Papa : Beta, itna bada toh abhi main bhi nahi hua hoon.

*****
Ladkiwale - Hame aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigrette, Daru na leta ho....aur sirf Boiled Khana khae..... Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......
Pandit - Aisa ladka to apko wo samane wale Leelavati Hospital ke ICU mein hee milega....

*****
Dukandar- bolo Sahab, kya Chaahiye ?
Aadmi : hone wali Biwi ke Kutte ke liye Cake lene aaya hoon..
milega kya ??

Dukandar : haan.. per yahi Khaaoge ya Pack Kar doon ???

*****
Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le. Jab woh ghar aaya to uss ne jeb se chabi nikali aur tala ko kholney laga.
Haath kaapne ke wajha se chabi kabhi idhar hat jati kabhi udhar hat jati, ek admi pass se guzra toh sharabi ne usey bataya ki tala nahi khul rahi hai.
Uss shaks ne sharabi ke pass ja kar kaha, “lao chabi tala main khol deta hoon”
Aur phir sharabee ne kaha, “Tala toh main hi kholonga bas tum makan ko pakar ke rakhna”

*****
Best pick up line to approach a Girl:
Boy: Is your Dad Terrorist?
.
.
.
.
.
.

Girl: What?
Boy: No! I asked
because you r such a
Bomb!

*****

4 boys on were bike
Police: Triple riding is banned aur tum 4 log ek hi bike par baithe ho.. ??
.
Boys shocked…
.
.
.

.

.
look behind..
.
.
.
.
.
and says: Saalo 5wa kaha gir
gaya.. ??
Jise party deni thi..

*****

A junior in an office dialed his boss number by mistake & said : Hey, send a coffee in my cabin in two minutes!

Boss shouted : Do you know whom you’re talking to ?!

Junior: no!

Boss: I’m the boss of this office.

Junior (in the same tone) : & do u know whom you’re talking to?

Boss: No!

Junior: Thank God. (and disconnected the phone)

*****

Ladki pic upload karke likhti hai:
Hi friendzz kesi lag rahi hoon..?

.

.

.

Boy: tere baap ne 15-20 hazaar ka mobile leke diya hai
to ghar me 500rs. ka sheesha bhi lagaya hoga..
uss mein dekh le,
humse kya poochhti hai ‘Bhootni’ kahi ki…

*****

In a school function
A K.G boy started closing his ears with both hnds,
When girl was about to start her speech …
Others asked him Why r you closing your ears?

He replied: Dude, She is my Girlfriend
n She is gonna start her speech with
.
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My Dear
Brothers n Sisters ..


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